Some bi***y behind-the-scene story!

Maybe, I have this vision that professionals especially Americans in general would be mature and FRANK enough to be able to communicate their feelings, thoughts and what-have-you about something to your face.

Well, I guess, not.

At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter where you are.

People are people. Some mature, most immature. Some straightforward, some timid. Some frank enough to say what they need to say, others talk behind your back.
 


We were having a discussion one day, and well, the topic was about immigration. The Canadian commented about Americans NOT really wanting to do commoners jobs like farming and all the other blue collar jobs.

Here I was, loudmouth and tactless, commented, well, "I think, because most of them have this superiority complex and I-know-it-all mentality."

The discussion continued. But, I just noticed after that how aloof they were with me!

Mmmm.. true enough! Two of them may have gathered all the other men and women of their race and shared what I said to the rest of the group.

Actually, I never really heard their side. Did they try to counterattack my impressions on them? No. Instead, the more they proved how bi***y they could be! Lol!

They talked behind my back (mmm, at most 3 out of 9 in the group). They said a lot of side comments too - and of course, everything I did, was wrong! Lol! Pity, pity them - because it fell on deaf ears! (Mmm, in fairness, I didn't really hear comments that were worth "nose bleeding", it was kinda shallow for me.) Lol! They were like kids asking for attention (their way!)! Lol!

Did it affect me at all? Maybe, yes, because I am writing about it now. But during that time (say 5 days?) I was indifferent! Lol! (It maybe the "slow processing of what's happening" in my head! Lol!)

I was reacting to the situation, whatever it was. I would listen to their bickering, with indifference. I never attacked while they were trying to attack (through their side comments at my back, had they confronted me or said things at my face then I could have given them my thoughts about it!) but they didn't! - I survived by the way! Lol!

At the end of the trip, I said my piece. This was all a first time experience. First time to camp, to be with international people outside of school and thank you for all the lessons and patience. (Someone said, "Oh, it must have been a culture shock for you!" I didn't reply. I should have said, "Yes, and you just taught me a lot about your culture!")

I think, either I was simply the odd-one in the group, as I always seem! or I just have this tendency to repel in a group setting, Lol! Maybe and I am sure it could be the reason, was that I really just don't go with the flow, at times, well, most of the time, I go against it. Lol!

When I blurted out, my thoughts about them. I wasn't thinking at all! (or maybe at the back of my mind.. I was hoping they would teach me something, or tell me how wronged I was and that was all misconceptions, and I could have accepted and changed that thought... but they didn't!)

I must have been a threat, or they simply didn't have the guts to say whatever to my face! (they needed to do it behind my back! Funny! I thought they were powerful, professionals and superior!)

Will I join international people again (outside of school setting)? I sure will! But maybe a little careful this time, assess the group's bi***y-ness first! Lol!

Well, was I sorry it happened? Nope. What happened needed to happen to teach me lessons. Maybe to teach them lessons too (Mmmm, they must have been sad because I didn't give in to their bi***y-ness, Lol! It would have been a major racist fight! Lol!)

Well, what's the lesson? Either to keep my mouth shut next time and gain bi***y friends, go with the flow and do what they do (complain and lots of it!) or charge everything to experience.

I am rooting for the later.

Continued here - Paradigm Shift - Who's Who? - Lesson Learned


46 comments:

  1. people like to talked behind your back because they don't have the guts to say it in front of your face my mentality is this if something they tell me is not true i don't care how much if it's true i don't give a damn after all we are only answerable to ourself and to our God . My wise advice just smile the more you please people the more you become hopeless because we are not here to please people we are here to do things that is right in the eyes of God . ^-^ - shalom

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    1. so true! we learn our lessons though :)

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    2. I've learned my lesson a long time ago kung nakakamatay ang salita malamang matagal na tayong patay although it will hurt our feelings and emotion sometimes brutality is needed to make us stronger we just have to train our mind and emotions how to deal the situation when you know for yourself your worth you dont have to prove them a wise person doesn't have to prove his/her worth if its already proven - shalom

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  2. I had a bad encounter with them too, it was while i was confined in the hospital before I checked out ,i was able to talk to their nurse manger .i told her straight to the point that the American nurses suck and they should hire Filipino nurses instead.And then made a complaint about the nurses indifferently treated me to the hospital heads thru contact us .I told them again what I have said before. So for me these people are the worst professional or workers I have ever encountered

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  3. i agree they shouldn't have to talk behind your back..it's better if they opened up and discuss it with you instead..

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    1. true! and because they were not really communicating with me at all... I let them be! It must have been frustrating for them to have given all effort and still get indifference! lol!

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  4. Aww.. I'm not usually the type who likes having people talking behind my back, but if it means avoiding becoming friends with hypocrites, then I'll go for it nalang. I haven't personally encountered anything like this with Americans. But I can somehow see negative attitudes on the internet.. haha.. :)

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    1. To dance with them or not.. preferred not.

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  5. They should have an open mind too. You are free to say your opinion and they are free to say theirs and it was bad that they had to talk behind your back.

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    1. true! and I was actually waiting for it during the discussion - they never did say their points of view and taken it personally instead!

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    2. If they said their opinion, it would have been a word war. Nobody wants to fight, especially at work. It's not high school. It's not professional to argue amongst colleagues. Also we always say "they are free to say their own opinion" but when other races say something not-so-good about Filipinos, we also get hurt. Right? Only my opinion here.

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  6. expression of opinion is not really long. if they were mature enough, they could have expressed themselves in a way that it can be considered respectful. if they were offended, at least they should have the guts to tell you too.

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    1. my point exactly! still not sure why they don't have the guts though! lol!

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  7. its a cliche that 'the truth hurts'...its how a person reacts to every pain!some wud shout "ouch,it hurts but please dont do it again"...others wud jas ignore it bcoz it is somehow tolerable..some wud pretend dat its okay but wud look for other shoulders as their comfort zone as to appear they are being belittled...dis r 'plastic 'people...plastics r ban hir bcoz dey are not eco-friendly...so backfighters back off, in our language 'baka kunin ka ni Lord" kc harmful ka sa earth lol

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  8. Most of the time, threat is the best word to define them. That of course was based on my experience and that is not only within a certain ethnicity but it is within the human race when they are threatened and not having an open mind.

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  9. Usually i just ignore these people. i am just paying my attention to the true people "for good and for bad"- talikuran man o harapan.

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  10. Hey teacher Gemm, sometimes words are meant to be said. ^^, And I guess you've just said what you thought was right then. And, anyone here would agree about their superiority complex so, chill. :D Okay, call us next time they gather their selves behind you; we will do our own thing too. hahaha...

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  11. there you go again, the tactless gemma, always thinking out loud. i agree that you can share your opinion (as they say, everybody is entitled to his'/her's) but i also believe that how you deliver words make a huge difference. i've read a quotation about how powerful words can be that if said the right way, it's like a gentle water that makes a plant grow but if said harshly, it's like a flood that can uproot a tree, something like that. you may mean well but you may have come on too strong, i think.

    do i agree that they talk behind your back? of course not!! they could have discussed it with you and not make those side comments. but then it's a human attitude. it's not about the race. some are straightforward like you but others are not. again, it boils down to individual differences. i respect their sentiments. i may have felt the same way had they said something nasty about filipinos (don't get me wrong. i'm not saying that what you said to them was nasty, i said you came on too strong).

    yes, lesson learned. it doesn't hurt to test the waters first. we not from here. we are transplanted here and if we want to survive, we have to adjust/adapt. -wellatot

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    1. correct.. I was thinking of them differently, really, then that incident.. mmm, individual differences for sure.. would have wanted a confrontation though lol!

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    2. mmmm.. though I didn't opt to confront because there's no reason for it (they were just making side comments and not really telling any to my face, so why bother?! lol). During the discussion, I told them my opinion (or misconception) of them, and right there and then they should have (had they been gutsy enough) to confront me about it.. and not take it personally and be sensitive about it!

      well.. true, lesson learned! lol!

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    3. Gems, I agree with wellatot. This is probably a delayed response because you've already posted about lessons learned from this experience. Still, I'd like to point out that in the workplace, petty arguments are avoided. Nobody wants to have a word war at work, it's not professional. What people call 'bitching' in the workplace is only venting out with other colleagues. They don't want to tell you in your face, perhaps because they also don't want to hurt you. Like Wellatot said, if it was them saying something about Filipinos, we wouldn't like it either. Only my opinion.

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  12. Well humans are made to be humans.. everyone has their own flaws..

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  13. They were being passive-aggressive but I'm sorry, I can understand why those people got offended with what you said.

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    1. It took me a while to pinpoint the root cause of their actions.. but yes they were being passive-aggressive for sure!

      Good you understood what they felt, would think of you highly if (given the same case) you'd choose to confront the person involved than make side comments or talk behind someone else's back.

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  14. what's annoying is that when they say something that's offending it doesn't matter to them how other people feel but when it comes from other people they would get hurt.

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  15. I don't think you were tackless, you are just being you. you did not meant to hurt their feelings you are just sharing your views so don't feel bad about it. you really can't control other people's reaction on certain situations/issues, that is their problem hehehe!!! anyway, just include it to your list of lessons learned. take care. regards to the family.

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  16. i hate backstabbers! dedma na lng siguro..

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  17. Sadly but it's happening. People really love to talked behind our backs, but there are instances that some of it was true maybe, they couldn't spit out in front of you. Cowardly done!

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  18. Nobody is perfect and each and everyone of us have our own flaws but being honest is way better than lying in front of them.

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  19. I've encountered this also. And learned how to master the degree of dedmatology. Lol.

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  20. Hmmm, I try as much as possible not to get affected with backstabbers. But when I'm really affected and can't move on in a snap, I talk to the concerned person right away and ask that person what's his/her problem with me.... And of course, I'd do that with a smile. (Smile nalng...)

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  21. I am not exactly sure if you asked them about what they are saying about you or your comment. I was just thinking if the incident could have had a better result if you were able to talk with them about it. I have to admit though that there are people of other races who tend to highlight their "superiority" over us Filipinos but we have to admit that some us tend to do the same. Hope you can go past this as I do enjoy reading your posts.

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    1. I was hoping during the discussion, that if they had something in mind about my comment, they could have said it right there and then (best scenario) but they didn't and I was really in a clueless mode why they were suddenly acting weird with making comments behind my back! lol!

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  22. First and foremost, I admire you for having the guts to say that in front of them. Haha

    Second, I think that ignorance is not concentrated on Americans themselves. Even here, there are people who tend to have the same attitude (superiority complex). Being a nurse, I encountered "health care workers" who think that they are "godlike", where they even blame it all on nurses even though they have the participation in it. Hmmmm.. If ever I become one, I'll work professionally, but at the lowest level, to earn more respect.

    Sabi nga ni Beatriz Saw sa PBB dati, "ang respect, hindi ini-impose, ine-earn yan." True enough.

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  23. Well, what happened, happened. Just let it pass and continue to do your best. I have reached a point in my life that I realized I cannot please everybody and not everybody will be my friend. Just learn from the experience and move on. Stay positive!

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  24. well what I do is take their acts even if it hurts me.. learn from it.. I even analyze to myself I did something wrong or asked a best friend of his opinion.. then collate all and see if I did something wrong to.. if there is non then do not mind them.. its their lose not yours..

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  25. Lessons learned! I just move on and take the experiences and learn from them. Things happen for reasons.

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  26. I've had a fair share of these people too. I just think they're not there to bother me so I could live my life to the fullest. ^_^

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  27. I feel that your much too affected.
    We do have it sometimes, we say something we only thought of outright..
    Spur of the moment, I have these moments too.
    And believe me, I've lost friends with it..
    The older we get, the wiser we beget..
    Its a good thing that you took it to learning with this incident.
    And don't close your doors to other people.
    I agree with your thoughts,
    I deal with Americans everyday..
    They like listening to the sound of their own voices,
    and they don't appreciate it if someone they think is lowly knows a lot and has accomplished a lot than they do.

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  28. At least you have the guts to tell them face-to-face about your thoughts. Hope they possess that strength too.

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  29. Reading your post, I couldn't help but think, you were also wrong and instead of being b---hy about it, maybe you should have been the bigger person and talked to them. After all, you were the one who admittedly was the tactless and loudmouth one.

    Just saying.

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  30. They're not your friends at all. If they really were, they would understand or at least try to seeing as you're not same as them. But you have a point, some Americans are really like that. I spoke to an American business man some years ago and he told me that it's hard for him to find American graphic artists that would do simple jobs because they all want to get the hard jobs so they'd get paid more. That business man had to resort to employing Filipinos or other Asian to do the job he needs done. Good for us, I guess.

    So yes, I understand how you'd get affected a bit but it just showed what kind of people they are. They should have corrected you after you said it if it's not what they think. But you shouldn't dwell on it either. :)

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  31. Expect the "expected" to such kind of people. It's a matter of respect...if they don't respect other people, how much more themselves?

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  32. Maam Gemma,,just forget it Maybe someday they will realize that they have done mistakes,from you,,,,

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